C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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