I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
