I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
