when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You can't special order awesome
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
