D3 body, D1 cock
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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