In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
