put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
