tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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