and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
someone owes me an orgasm
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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