Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
