she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
