I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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