my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
