dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
