Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
