you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Why is there bacon in the couch?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
