Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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