how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
