i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Randomize
