Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
PANTIES FOUND
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