my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
