you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize