Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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