is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
