Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
