i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
