Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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