I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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