I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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