if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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