worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
