I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
