I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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