If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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