I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
