i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
