try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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