Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
