i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
