i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
