My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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