i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
