I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize