I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
