i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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