how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
