Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
