I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
