My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Randomize
