community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize