I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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