Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
