marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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