I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
