WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
