I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
