Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
