He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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