What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize