Whod you bang
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
