I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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