and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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