I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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