It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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